Living a life of contentment these days is almost impossible to do. It seems like life is getting busier. There is little time to catch our breath or even breath. The pressure of making a living, dealing with demands, handling complex situations, following up on details, and relating to one another in a civil way is more demanding than ever before. Are you feeling the same way I am these days?
Don’t let chaos stop you from connecting!
In the midst of the chaos, we need to be meaningfully connecting with our kids—regardless of their age. I have found I need to be intentional and relate to each of my kids and grandkids in a way that is meaningful to each one. How I relate to my seven-year-old grandson is completely different from my 50-year-old daughter. Both need to know I care.
As a parent, her is a question: how are you currently connecting with each of your children at his or her level every day? The younger they are the more one-on-one time they need each day. They need to know by your actions that when you are connecting they have your full attention.
This will often mean some sacrifice. For example, you may need to put your cell on vibrate for 15 to 30 minutes so the child you are with knows that they are more important than the next call, text, or news feed. Putting them first over other options you have will speak loudly to them. Actions like this communicate they are important to you. It also demonstrates that you are managing your time and priorities, and not allowing others to control your life.
Connecting is getting into one’s heart and soul.
Connecting means that hearts and souls are communicating at a personal level. This is the
time to probe, ask questions, listen for understanding, observing, and seeking to hear what is not being said. The older your child gets the harder it is to figure out what is going on in their life. Starting a process of intentional communication when they are 3 to 5 will help establish a pattern of healthy communication in the years to come. Effective communication is like cultivation of a harvest. Consistency is important.
In each of the Adventures of Andy Ant stories you will find two personalities—in this case a fourth-grade boy and a fourth- grade ant—connecting at a deep level. Andy is especially good at observing and hearing what is not being said verbally. As a parent you can learn some good listening techniques from Andy.
Make a plan!
I have personally found that I need to formulate a plan with a time commitment or, by default, nothing will happen. When my kids were small this required a commitment of at least 15 every day when I was in town and not traveling. This was a priority to me. The kids never knew this was a commitment. All they knew was that Dad wanted to hang out for a while. Make your plan and work your plan. This means leaving distractions for another time and another place. This way when you are interacting you will be talking with one another, not to one another.
If your kids are under nine, ten to 15 minutes of focused time each day should be your goal. Between ages 10 and 18 you need to engage in a way that is meaning to each child at least weekly. As they move into adulthood you will find that surprise texts, calls, lunches or visits are key to open communication. Doing something they feel is important assures your child that you really do care.
